Finding the fix

So I sought out this place. After I moved from my other shell, and I havent had time to be here. Life has been busy and it looks like almost no end in sight until after Christmas.

But for some reason whenever Im just 'uuugh' this is the first place I want to come. I feel like that is the worst thing to do. I don't want to be a giant "ball" of negative energy. I dont want to sit here and be a downer and babble on all my frustrations, but I don't have anything better to do with them. Perhaps a pen and a personal journal would be ideal. Probably.

We're away from home right now. In Reston, VA at my SIL's new home. I love the wall colors. They are me colors. Blue and green. Perfect.

Before coming here we had tons of financial crap thrown at us. Never fails, every season right before Christmas. Andrew's truck had almost $500 of work done to it. Our other vehicle needed an alignment. The tires were wore out unevenly. We took it to discount tire, they were going to take the tires of the wheel and pop them on the other sides, not just rotate them, but switch the way they were on the wheel all together. Well that was fine and dandy, 40 bucks. Except they damaged a tire when they used their pry bar to get it off. It was unusable. On an AWD vehicle. Their solution was to give us 2 new tires....  so wed have 2 new, 2 old, and thats great for a normal car... but not one with AWD, it would have messed up our 2 new ones and just been another mess. So instead of 40 for the remount, we spent $350 on 2 new tires. Then the boat winterization was $100 more than planned, then the storage cost. Add that to my Old Navy splurge that brought my self esteem to new levels.

Its a situation we got ourselves into, and we're gonna get out. Its not that were drowning, but its just really uncomfortable, and now we're out, away from home, travelling, gas and tolls here and there, $, $,$. All on the credit card which I HATE to use, so it will all be sorted out when we get home. *huge sigh*

Things like this don't usually get to me, usually I dont worry much about financial stuff, just because we're good at NOT putting ourselves in these situations. However, still following through with the trip combined with the boat winterization & storage, the 100 plumber bill AND  my Old Navy left no room for when the truck needed its work done,  or the car needed $350 of tires.

And its Christmas.

So the stress is on.

And right at the moment Im wore thin.

Were staying in someone elses house, our stuff is scattered all over, the place if by no means child proof, the kids are too loud, they color on furniture, their markers leave spots on the tables, they talk too much, and Im trying my best to keep them manageable and keep their mess out of everyones way, along with keeping the house in the order its suppose to be in. My husband isn't helpful. I hate my kids getting in trouble for being kids, Im working my ass off to keep that from happening, running after them undoing everything they do, nonstop. Him... not so much.

Time to go.

Time to go.

To Grand Rapids Children's Museum.

I want the camera. The BIG one. I need the diaper bag. I'll have a purse. A water bottle.

I'll need my stroller. My awesome fantastic BRAND NEW Joovy Caboose.

Hubby was outside suppose to be cleaning up leaves with the lawnmower.  Decides to get car out and and then backs into/over and busts the back wheel off the stroller.

Right before its time to go.

The new stroller. Because the other one got broken.

Am I not meant to have a stroller??? WTF?

And seriously? He backed into???? Sure, people make mistakes. But hes a man!

Im so ticked.

And its time to go.

I have no stroller.

Always up to something.

So the little gnomes featured in the post below. Im going to take a stab at them.

I ordered the unfinished wooden people, now the painting and the hats I will have to do myself. Which means again I get slapped in the face by the reality that I can't sew. Seriously. Yeah, theres local sewing classes all over. Yes. Yes. I have a sewing machine, but seriously, I dont even know how to thread it.

They're small hats. I could hand stitch them easy enough.... but that will get to be alot. *Argh*

Again, Im going to try to figure it out.

And the nativity, I ordered it. Ordered it from the website yesterday and it arrived on my door this afternoon!
Of course they stuffed a nice little catalog in there and now I see a whole lot more to love!

Is this just not the most precious thing!?

& Thanksgiving!

I totally need to get over it. I'm aware. I just LOVE these guys!!!

Now Im being forced off the computer, gotta go watch Back to the Future! My husband has had ENOUGH of my deal with the Little People.

Christmas! & the I want list.

Stuff.

Stuff I want.

FOR THE KIDS of course!!!

Ive been browsing online, I love etsy. I have yet to purchase anything though! (the images are links!)

Forgive me if I keep editing this post and it pops back to the top.... its going to help me keep things all in one place and help me as Im making decisions and purchases.

I want these little gnomes for my baby C. :)

 She loves little things, especially little figurines and things. She likes gnomes too. My friend and I have a little travelling gnome who vacations between us, she gets a huge kick out of him and says "NO-mm" its so precious.

The Fisher-Price Little People Nativity

What a great learning tool!!

I want the girls to have this soo bad!
This is the whole collection, composed of 3 different sets. Its on sale as a bundle right now. I probably should get it soon.

My Pinkalicious daughter has a love for Pez dispensers. Shes got quite a few of them, has kind of been collecting them on a small scale since she was 3. She has a new found love for The Wizard of Oz. This would be great!

And this!! Oh my! These are handmade, and she won't have any available until after Christmas. So Im out of luck this year, which gives me time to save. Probably for birthday presents. These are "handcrafted pregnancy, birthing and breastfeeding mamas"

The baby has a button that latches on to the mother's "breast"

The babies have belly buttons, attached to a cord and placenta.

I would actually like to get one for each my girls. Theyre $130 each, but they are incredible works of art and would be the most amazing learning tool for them. Pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, its us. Its WHO we are, and I want to instill these fundamentals into my girls before this culture we live in gets ahold of them. (okay, so not that extreme, but you get the idea) Its not wrong to teach my daughter about birth. Its not wrong that she see a mother nurse her child. What is wrong is the plastic doll we have in our toy bin wearing a tshirt that says "I (heart) (bottle)" heart and bottle are images. Yeah. No!

And then, local to me are the Mommy Necklaces!

This is me and my baby C. :)

I bought this necklace shown here last fall and have been hooked ever since. These are great nursing necklaces, theyre fun to wear, and I can wear them with confidence because my baby wont break it!

THIS WEEK, if youre interested, Mommy Necklaces will be featured at Baby Half Off, and will have necklaces for, well half off of course! I don't know how Im going to restrain myself. Its time to start focusing on the kids and the family we need to buy for, but theyre going to be such a deal, I don't know how I can resist!!

Here is a sneak peek of one of the B.H.O exclusives!!
Sorry hubby, go buy something you want if you need to, but this has to be mine.

And just another one of their ad pictures for the nursing necklace

A nursing mom *must-have*

I own this one, it was my very first, so its not on my list, but Im putting it here to show all of you!

Retail.... therapy?

So I havent yet decided if this is a positive or a negative....

Well I am aware that it is both, but I have yet to choose where I am going to mentally categorize it.

8 years ago. I got married. Gained 20lbs out of nowhere. Seriously. Like "I" was 10lbs and "Do" was another 10. Like BAM!

None of my clothes fit. Ever. I bought supplemental things...and tried desperately to make some of the other things work, not that they really did, not that they looked good or were even comfortable. I was making do. Money was tight, I was determined to lose weight, everytime I tried on clothes, the clothes I grabbed didnt fit, the ones that did fit were giant sized. (Oh how I laugh now) So it hurt my self esteem. I hated clothes shopping. I had none. I hated my body. I didnt want to buy clothes that big, it was a waste of money because it wasn't "me."

Wishful thinking? I dont know if I'd even call it that.

So that was 8 years, then 6 years ago I was pregnant with our first daughter (shes 5 now) Maternity clothes too seemed like a waste. Why spend so much money on crap you'd wear for just a second. So I bought things I needed for work, like a few things.. just so I could go to work and look decent. Nothing really that felt good, that looked good. I was a blah prego. Gained 50lbs, like nothing. My face. My legs. My arms. The whole bit. So the once giant sized clothes became too small.

After she was born, I lost 30 of it, gained 10 of it back after we were done nursing. So, there was that... but still my long story is that Ive always hated my body since then.

Ive never invested in clothes because it brought me down. I only get 2 seconds in a changing room with pesky kids, I dont have time to try on for hours. And its not like I want to get a babysitter so I can go to the store.... I don't even get to go on dates, so I would rather save sitters for those occasions, right? Every dressing room experience was a horrible one. Every.

Now another child, another pregnancy, again, just buying stuff as needed, little bits at a time. When I buy 2 new things I love, I wear them, wash them, wear them... over and over, until in 2 months they're worn out and look like hell, and I hate them....

2 weeks ago my aunt and teenage cousin were here visiting from Minnesota.

My cousin and I scrambled in Old Navy for some clothes for the kids and hubby to wear for pictures. Got some cute things. Went back the next day, spent boat loads of money, applied for the Old Navy credit card, (I want the rewards and the coupons!)The kicker to all of this was my cousin McKenzie grabbed clothes for me and brought them to the fitting room. I picked some of the things, but she told me what with what. Which was helpful. The last time I was in style we were still on the whole 70's super flare business. Not leggings and tunics.

So then, they leave.... Old Navy steepens their clearance. 50% off already reduced prices brought clothes down super cheap. Alot of my things were between $5 and $10 dollars, some of the kids things were like $1-$3

It was awesome. And by that time I had already spent so much there that I developed this horrible mentality, like "what the hells a little more..." Like $50 more? Like $100 more?

Yeah.

It grew.

I have about a dozen Old Navy receipts.

My family could be the center of an Old Navy ad. Except Im sure they couldn't use us, as we're not *plastic* Hahahaha (they use all mannequins of course)

So today... I went back again, I still needed to finish up a few things, I wanted a wool peacoat, theyre half off right now.

I love this coat! And its mine!

Taylor and I both needed brown leggings.

Im going to get that credit card bill and fricken hit the floor. I know I am.

Its going to be awful.... and at that point I will probably regret it.

But right now I feel good.

I have clothes. Everyday. And something different. Im not waiting on laundry. People are throwing compliments at me all day long. I feel incredible. It makes me a happy person. Not the shopping or the spending money, but the clothes....

This is the first time in my adult life that I've really just embraced my body for what it is, and accepting what it is not. Im a mom. Im happily married. My husband loves me. I'm mostly healthy. I have stretch marks. Im far from perfect, but its me... and thats it.

I feel good. Im so glad I spLuRgeD. (Splurge is an understatement)

It was on my brand new credit card. Its probably not going to get paid off completely when the statement comes. I despise credit card debt.

But I FEEL good. Finally.

I have a wardrobe. Im not holding out, waiting to shop for those clothes in that right size. Like its a crime to buy clothes *my* size. Im accepting who I am. I am shopping for me, the size I am today.

The size I will be tomorrow.

And guess what?

I LOVE IT!

Hi-jacked internet, and my best ideas.

Okay so we're new to AT&T U-Verse. I love the internet, the speed, the fact that our modem is wireless itself, no need for the wireless router. Its zippy and most of all, it freed me from my (almost) decade of imprisonment with Charter Communications.

Anyhow, the At&t guys have been on my road for weeks, I figured the neighborhood was catching on, we are free! We are no longer chained to Charter! I was excited, but then our internet went out. Days ago....
And now At&t better come fix it! They came today, hours after they said they would... only to tell me the problem is a big one. Bigger than they thought. And its beyond the poles on our road, the crossboxes arent even getting a signal, so there is no At&t internet even going down my road. Sooo... Im totally using someones wireless.

Its nice to live in a populated area I suppose.

And I should be in bed.

Im in bed right now and hubby and baby C are totally zonked...

But. Not me.

You see, the trouble is~ I get my very best ideas at night.

Always.

I dont know how, or why... but its like night sets in, the sun goes down and my mind starts working overtime. And then Im wired... or determined... or excited... or trying to figure out how Im going to make it work. These are the nights I stay awake forever.

Other nights, Im fortunate, because these big ideas only find me in my sleep. (fortunate because then I get rest) I dream solutions to everything. When things are lost and we've been looking for them for days.... one night I finally will dream where it is. Its like when Im sleeping, or late at night is when Im able to tap into my subconscious. Its great. Im really productive that way... but why always at night?

Tonights big idea is JAR LABELS!!

Im going to work out some jar labels for my Grandmother's canned goods. Only problem is that I know shes not going to want sticker gunk all over her jars. So I will make her some stickers that she can give away. I know she sells them sometimes....  but then maybe some round labels that can just go on the tops of the others to keep her jars nice???

Hmm....

And how Im going to do this, how Im going to print it, what my design will look like, the wording I will use... its all busying up my mind.

Stay tuned... the outcome of this one is going to be great!