1 week and soon we're off. Again.

One week with family and it flies. It always does. There isn't ever enough time to do e-v-e-r-y-thing, or spend an adequate amount of time with each person.


It was a good week though. A whole lot of nothing. Just bumming around.


I've made it to Caribou coffee twice. (not bad considering its a half hour from here)
I went with my dad to purchase his new vehicle today. A Yukon Denali XL. Totally makes me never want to cave to the minivan trend.


We'll be here through the new year, were going to head home Saturday. 600 miles back across the map in the opposite direction. If the miles could talk. Baby C is 18 months, I counted the other day, and this was her 8th road trip. Ranging 300-700 miles one-way. And we obviously always have to go round-trip, so this will be her 16th long haul on the road. In 18 months of life. That averages almost one trip each month of her little life. And theres plenty more to come. It makes me smile, but it isn't always easy.


So far I've been against the portable DVD players. My kids have never until now had handheld devices. (The oldest just got a Nintendo DS from Santa)


My family is aware of the trend. My Grandmother just gave us 100 things for little Children on a journey. Im excited to get it out. It wont be much for the tiny tot, but I think the oldest will enjoy.


I should write memoirs. Memoirs of our miles together, as a family, chugging along at interstate speeds. Rockin' out to a wide assortment of tune-age. Maybe I'll get there. It would definitely be a fun project. *gears turning*

Traveling with kids in tow; must haves:

• Music. Of all kinds- Sound variations help hold their attention. C only loves songs she already knows, it has never proven successful to try new songs while on a trip. We use our Microsoft Zune. Its got everything at the ready. We have a couple fail-proof playlists on reserve.
• Books!
• Dim lights. For drawing and reading.- This one from Ikea is our favorite, its rechargeable and it doesn't interfere with the driver's vision.
• Snacks and sippy cups
• Look out the window games-- like "how many red trucks can we count?" We also identify every "Welcome to ___" sign at the state lines. We even wake the girl up to make sure she sees it. We travel the same roads often, so hunting for the landmarks of the trip is always a fun challenge for the girl.
• Notebooks & writing utensils (a variety of pens, pencils, crayons, twist crayons. Markers not recommended)
• Open ended imagination toys- action figures or little people, the possibilities are endless. Polly pockets are super. Egg shakers and mild instruments are great for singing along to a song and engaging the kids.One time we played with and fully opened an umbrella in the backseat. It served as a little tent.
• Digital Camera- The girl has her own Canon Powershot, she loves taking pictures of things she finds interesting.
• Blankies & Pillows
• Toy cell phones- conversations via the "phone" from the front to backseat are always fun.

Lastly:

• Patience
• Tolerance
• Good Sense of Humor
• Conversation (all kinds of course, but teaching interesting tidbits about the location is always fun too. My oldest child has been familiar with the ins and outs of the Mississippi river since she was 3.)

Slippers are comfy in the car, We have a Bundle Me in the baby's seat so she doesn't need a jacket, or lose her blankie. I love the Ergo as well. Its not used so much on the way there, but once were there, we rarely have to pack a stroller. I have an oversized zip up hoodie that fits over the baby and I. Totally cozy, lovable and convenient.


I will always cherish these memories we're making, even when we're frantically pulling off for a potty break and have to use the nastiest restroom known to mankind. Or pumping milk in the backseat flying past semi trucks. 

Its all good, and its all fun.

The coziest Christmas.

This is the tale I have to tell.

Of the coziest Christmas.


Sitting in my Daddy's kitchen, relaxing in my fleece lounge pants and perfect fit Old Navy tee, I have an african grey perched high upon my shoulder. Hes fluffed and calm, occasionaly nuzzling close to my ear. He is unusually gentle today, and is bursting with love and affection. Most often after the lovies are given out, theres but a drop or 2 if any for me. The complexity of our relationship is quite difficult to word. I think the only creatures that can even understand it are the bird himself and I. Most often he understands more than I do. He sets the speed, he calls the shots. Some days its love, some days its hate. I just have to take what I can get and stay committed. Its hard to not take his bad days personal, especially when its blatantly obvious and he singles me out. These little moments make up for all the bad. For all the sneaky, conniving trickery he often demonstrates.

And right now I get him. The *best* of him.

This morning my oldest daughter woke up in bed next to me exclaiming "Its Morning! Did Santa come? Can I go check?" I opened my eyes for a quick second to confirm that there was indeed light, I yawned and sent her forth to do the checking. As I laid in bed I delighted in the sound of her feet *scampering* down the hallway to the tree. It was silent for a few moments and then the pattering of her little feet came racing back down the hallway. She bursted into the bedroom and with immense excitement went on in great detail about the presents that were all wrapped under the tree. The ones that were not there last night; the ones that were wrapped the same. We got daddy out of bed. We got Grandpa out of bed. We went in the basement to wake up Uncle Josh and Uncle Jordan. She waited patiently for the livingroom couch and chairs to fill in with the entire family. The moment the last person took their seat, it was *rip rip roar!* She was in the middle of her first present and the baby woke up jabbering. Grandpa walked down the hall to get her for us. She entered the room in his arms with squinty eyes and severe bed head. Frizzy curls sticking in every direction, like a child's art depicting rays of sunshine. Little curls, going this way and that.

Santa used extra tough wrapping paper, and an excessive amount of tape. The presents were a challenge, for even the most experienced.

The goodies from the Jolly Elf were:

Nintendo DS in metallic rose (we cant decide if he picked it up somewhere or if the elves make those?)
Nintendo DS case and storage accessories
Constructive Eating plate and pink utensils for both girls
Plush Pigeon for Little C
3 pigeon books Dont Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus! Don't Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late! The Pigeon Wants a Puppy!


Then there were the gifts exchanged between my dad, brothers and I. We all got great stuff.

My favorite of which was a book called Uncovered. (the details and awesomeness of this book are going to have to be a post in and of itself.)

Breakfast was hodge podge. Eggs and sausage for some, toast and Grandma's jam, a freshly baked raspberry butter braid, and cottage cheese. We popped in kids new movie, How To Train Your Dragon, and relaxed. And napped.

C took a bath and got dressed, the rest of us are still in the jammies we woke up in.
We went nowhere.
I stayed inside, in the warm and cozy, cuddled up and hanging out with the ones I love, watching the snow fall outside.

Right now Im enjoying the view. Looking out the picture window, the yard is completely snow covered, and deep too! Little flakes are falling from the sky in little whirls, kind of twirling about before landing. The glow of the Christmas tree is in the reflection of the glass and today feels like home.

Merry Christmas~

Gonna talk myself into it.

Christmas tonight with my Mama. :) She cooked us a delicious holiday feast. Ham, potatoes, you know. We exchanged gifts and had a really nice time, the kids played really well together. (My daughters and my 11 year old brother)

Tomorrow we will be with Andrew's sister most of the day and then do the noon meal with his dad, and evening meal with his mom.

Thursday its off to Minnesnowda. So, in the middle of tomorrows festivities I will need to be doing laundry and major packing. We've got all the gifts that need to go in already. So its just the usual, which at this time of year includes all of our winter gear. Hats. Gloves. Boots. Jackets. Scarves. Snowpants. These things always take up an unfair amount of space. *grumble*

Its going to be a minivan around the corner. Im not sure how long we can put it off really. We're guaranteed these road trips for the rest of our lives. We already travel with 2 kids and a bird. Add a third child if & when, and its game over SUV. Pretty sad actually.  Unless the SUV worked around town and wherever else and then we just rented a van for each trip. (totally a pain and very unlikely that we'd do that) Who knows.

Thats not us. Not today. So I shall stop wasting my mind on such foolish silly things. And really, who said a minivan was the end of the world? Oh wait, that was me that said that.

But really, by the time it comes, I'll be near 30, married with 3 kids. Going on trips, going camping, engaging in incredible family adventures all over the map. Im not the freak early 20's parent who ran out and bought the van because they found out they were pregnant. So I guess in that aspect, the van is acceptible. Warranted. Even expected.

Look, if I keep on, Im going to have myself talked into this in no time. Then the only question would be which kind of van? Because I really like the Hondas. And the Nissans, and even the Town and Countrys that are the more square body style. Perfect for all the places we would go. A table in the backseat. Kids can sit face to face while we cruising to who knows where. Assuming all of our luggage would fit elsewhere.

Packing the SUV tomorrow is going to be interesting. It always is. But so worth it. I am ready to go.

Breastfeeding Calendar.

Im in search of a new calendar. Its going to be hanging around the house for a year. I'd like to get one that I enjoy. I want a calendar composed of breastfeeding mothers/families.

I would like it to be art as well as some tasteful photographs. Im not going to get it together for this year, but I think I would like to start my compilation for next year perhaps.

My poor husband. Whats he to do with a woman like me? I do admit, I am a lot to handle at times. Especially when it comes to my huge lactavist side. Lactavist. Intactivist. Its probably all the better we don't have a son, because then Id probably be even more over the top about that. ;)

Anywho, C's last Kindermusik class was tonight. January starts a whole new semester in the next segment. Shes moving from the babies to the tots. Its happy sad. I did all the toddler classes with our older daughter, so its going to be fun doing them again, with C, and remember that time with Tay. I'm sad because I've grown to love the baby class.

Growing up is hard to do!

Grab Gift

Went to a Christmas party Saturday.

My husbands "man" gift was a Stetson cologne giftset and a tin of homemade chocolate covered peanuts.

Now just you never mind the stetson.

Those peanuts though, my gosh!

And of course, hes off to work today so this is the first time I've been home alone with them. Needless to say, it hasn't been going well. I have the recipe and I totally owe him a replacement batch.

They're d.e.l.i.c.i.o.u.s.

Everything we ever wanted.

Christmas joy.

So my girls are 5 and and a year and a half. My oldest daughter is getting everything, and I mean everything she asked for. (plus some) Im so excited for her, but then I felt a tinge of guilt. Because seriously, she has everything she ever wanted. Her life is a perfect little fairy tale (Aside from when we fight and I scream and yell over her refusal to eat things in any shade of green)

Really, whatever she asks for, she gets. Shes spoiled. Really, shes just a very good girl. And she might be spoiled, but shes not "spoiled." Shes very lucky, and very fortunate and she knows this. Shes a good kid, a good person, shes very thankful. Shes not a little brat. And really, she gets told "no." She hears "no" alot, but I try to say "yes" whenever I can. Thats my goal.

I can't wait for Christmas, until she gets the rest of her stuff, until Santa comes. Hes bringing her the "big" present. He'll get all the bonus points for now, but years down the road she will look back and smile with appreciation. I know she will.

And whats a life with everything you ever wanted? Boring? Miserable? Not all you wanted? I thought about it when I was thinking about her and this Christmas, and her future, and then I was able to turn it.

To me.

To having everything I ever wanted.
And wanting nothing more.

I mean, sure there are those silly things, theres always something I could buy... but that isn't the point.

The point is:

I have everything I want, and everything I've ever wanted. Like of the things in life that actually matter.

People matter.

I have the hardest working, and most dedicated husband. Who by the way is a magnificent father. I could go on and on about him. He seriously is awesome. He worked hard and was blessed with a wonderful job. He supports us. He supports me. He supports our girls. He supports his family. He enables what we do here. He supports this "stay at home-mom" plan we have, in his mind, emotionally and financially.

He stands tall and strong, so that everything that happens here CAN happen here.

And hes mine.

Our children. Our children are amazing. Theyre growing and blossoming into really secure, sweet people. Theyre very adventurous. I get compliments all the time on how "go with the flow" they are. How C is such a "good baby" I can take them anywhere and do anything with them. And I do! I take them everywhere! Always!

And they're mine.

We're alive, we're healthy, we're well. We're financially sound, we have a cozy little house, surrounded in green grass, with a fenced in backyard.

We have each other. And together we are strong. Not just 2 of us, not just 3 of us, but all 4 of us. Each one, with all the other 3 parts. Equally.

This is all I've ever wanted.

And it's mine......

I've realized this before. I know I've thought it before...

but each time I do -- its just "wOw all over again."

Home for Christmas

Christmas time is upon us. It really is so wonderful. We're covered in the white fluffy snow, the lights are sparkling all over town. Tonight was my little brothers first band concert, it was bouncing with Christmas tunes. The presents are filling under the tree. I have officially finished the Christmas shopping. Tonight we went for a ride through downtown on a horse drawn trolley. It was very cool. I had baby in the carrier tucked into my jacket. We shared our warmth with each other and it worked well.

Next week we're going to Minnesota. Im so excited. It feels like home. It gives me warm fuzzies. (at least the insides feel warm considering the temps will be single digit, at or below zero for the duration of our stay) And even that I love. I love Michigan. Im home here too. Home can kind of be wherever, and to some extent it is. My home is obviously my physical location. My house. My dwelling, but then theres that saying about "home is where the heart is" and my heart is really all over the place but mostly its in Minnesota. With my family, in the very place I came from. With the town I came from, with the people I identify myself through. Im a very family oriented person. I have an extremely strong bond with my family. You'd think that since Ive lived states away for most of my life it would be different, but totally not. Im probably closer to them because of that. I am so thankful. I will always know where I belong. I will always remember where I came from, no matter where it looks like I'm going, and I will always remember whats important.

Taylor is also very close to them. My dad has finally met his match when it comes to chatting on the phone. Every conversation with him is usually an hour or more. And now, with her he can hardly get a word in. She loves talking to him, and they're so close. Taylor is very close to my aunt, who is her appointed Godmother. Last year at Christmas break she spent the night at my aunts house without me. All by herself. She walks around there like she owns the place! Just like everyone else. She knows where she belongs too and its everything to me. And even though she sees most of these people a few times a year, each time is nothing but quality time, and they all take the time to invest into her little life, into her interests, into her heart. Shes a person. A respected individual. Not a pesky kid. And to a mother, there is nothing more meaningful than that. I'm glad of all the things I got from them, I got that.

"Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience, you are raising a human being."

1. I want to wake up  and walk into my dad's kitchen.
2. I want to eat my Grandma's cookies
3. I want to sit in my Grandparent's livingroom. The only livingroom from my childhood that still remains.
4. I want to fight with my own brothers.. (well not really, its just what we do. I've come to expect it)
5. I want to play that silly ol' dice game in Grampa and Gram's basement.
6. I want to go to church on Christmas eve, sit on a folding chair in the narthex and watch the program on tv because I got there late.
7. I want to breathe air that is sub zero, its fresher.
8. I want to throwdown at Apples to Apples
9. I want tap a keg of 1919
10. I want to share all of these things with my girls.

  

This stuff has been on my mind for a few weeks now. How easy it is to lose sight of what matters. I wont let that be me. Im making that promise now.

So right now Im just delighting in the anticipation of "Going home for Christmas"

The Beginning.

The Beginning.

As in The Black Eyed Peas.

I needed this album. I seriously did.

I've been in a bit of a funk, we've been so busy, I've been so stressed, Ive been battling with mixed emotions and negative thoughts swamping my head...

This album was the pick me up I needed today. Its genius.

And will.i.am?

Yeah.

Finding the fix

So I sought out this place. After I moved from my other shell, and I havent had time to be here. Life has been busy and it looks like almost no end in sight until after Christmas.

But for some reason whenever Im just 'uuugh' this is the first place I want to come. I feel like that is the worst thing to do. I don't want to be a giant "ball" of negative energy. I dont want to sit here and be a downer and babble on all my frustrations, but I don't have anything better to do with them. Perhaps a pen and a personal journal would be ideal. Probably.

We're away from home right now. In Reston, VA at my SIL's new home. I love the wall colors. They are me colors. Blue and green. Perfect.

Before coming here we had tons of financial crap thrown at us. Never fails, every season right before Christmas. Andrew's truck had almost $500 of work done to it. Our other vehicle needed an alignment. The tires were wore out unevenly. We took it to discount tire, they were going to take the tires of the wheel and pop them on the other sides, not just rotate them, but switch the way they were on the wheel all together. Well that was fine and dandy, 40 bucks. Except they damaged a tire when they used their pry bar to get it off. It was unusable. On an AWD vehicle. Their solution was to give us 2 new tires....  so wed have 2 new, 2 old, and thats great for a normal car... but not one with AWD, it would have messed up our 2 new ones and just been another mess. So instead of 40 for the remount, we spent $350 on 2 new tires. Then the boat winterization was $100 more than planned, then the storage cost. Add that to my Old Navy splurge that brought my self esteem to new levels.

Its a situation we got ourselves into, and we're gonna get out. Its not that were drowning, but its just really uncomfortable, and now we're out, away from home, travelling, gas and tolls here and there, $, $,$. All on the credit card which I HATE to use, so it will all be sorted out when we get home. *huge sigh*

Things like this don't usually get to me, usually I dont worry much about financial stuff, just because we're good at NOT putting ourselves in these situations. However, still following through with the trip combined with the boat winterization & storage, the 100 plumber bill AND  my Old Navy left no room for when the truck needed its work done,  or the car needed $350 of tires.

And its Christmas.

So the stress is on.

And right at the moment Im wore thin.

Were staying in someone elses house, our stuff is scattered all over, the place if by no means child proof, the kids are too loud, they color on furniture, their markers leave spots on the tables, they talk too much, and Im trying my best to keep them manageable and keep their mess out of everyones way, along with keeping the house in the order its suppose to be in. My husband isn't helpful. I hate my kids getting in trouble for being kids, Im working my ass off to keep that from happening, running after them undoing everything they do, nonstop. Him... not so much.

Time to go.

Time to go.

To Grand Rapids Children's Museum.

I want the camera. The BIG one. I need the diaper bag. I'll have a purse. A water bottle.

I'll need my stroller. My awesome fantastic BRAND NEW Joovy Caboose.

Hubby was outside suppose to be cleaning up leaves with the lawnmower.  Decides to get car out and and then backs into/over and busts the back wheel off the stroller.

Right before its time to go.

The new stroller. Because the other one got broken.

Am I not meant to have a stroller??? WTF?

And seriously? He backed into???? Sure, people make mistakes. But hes a man!

Im so ticked.

And its time to go.

I have no stroller.

Always up to something.

So the little gnomes featured in the post below. Im going to take a stab at them.

I ordered the unfinished wooden people, now the painting and the hats I will have to do myself. Which means again I get slapped in the face by the reality that I can't sew. Seriously. Yeah, theres local sewing classes all over. Yes. Yes. I have a sewing machine, but seriously, I dont even know how to thread it.

They're small hats. I could hand stitch them easy enough.... but that will get to be alot. *Argh*

Again, Im going to try to figure it out.

And the nativity, I ordered it. Ordered it from the website yesterday and it arrived on my door this afternoon!
Of course they stuffed a nice little catalog in there and now I see a whole lot more to love!

Is this just not the most precious thing!?

& Thanksgiving!

I totally need to get over it. I'm aware. I just LOVE these guys!!!

Now Im being forced off the computer, gotta go watch Back to the Future! My husband has had ENOUGH of my deal with the Little People.

Christmas! & the I want list.

Stuff.

Stuff I want.

FOR THE KIDS of course!!!

Ive been browsing online, I love etsy. I have yet to purchase anything though! (the images are links!)

Forgive me if I keep editing this post and it pops back to the top.... its going to help me keep things all in one place and help me as Im making decisions and purchases.

I want these little gnomes for my baby C. :)

 She loves little things, especially little figurines and things. She likes gnomes too. My friend and I have a little travelling gnome who vacations between us, she gets a huge kick out of him and says "NO-mm" its so precious.

The Fisher-Price Little People Nativity

What a great learning tool!!

I want the girls to have this soo bad!
This is the whole collection, composed of 3 different sets. Its on sale as a bundle right now. I probably should get it soon.

My Pinkalicious daughter has a love for Pez dispensers. Shes got quite a few of them, has kind of been collecting them on a small scale since she was 3. She has a new found love for The Wizard of Oz. This would be great!

And this!! Oh my! These are handmade, and she won't have any available until after Christmas. So Im out of luck this year, which gives me time to save. Probably for birthday presents. These are "handcrafted pregnancy, birthing and breastfeeding mamas"

The baby has a button that latches on to the mother's "breast"

The babies have belly buttons, attached to a cord and placenta.

I would actually like to get one for each my girls. Theyre $130 each, but they are incredible works of art and would be the most amazing learning tool for them. Pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, its us. Its WHO we are, and I want to instill these fundamentals into my girls before this culture we live in gets ahold of them. (okay, so not that extreme, but you get the idea) Its not wrong to teach my daughter about birth. Its not wrong that she see a mother nurse her child. What is wrong is the plastic doll we have in our toy bin wearing a tshirt that says "I (heart) (bottle)" heart and bottle are images. Yeah. No!

And then, local to me are the Mommy Necklaces!

This is me and my baby C. :)

I bought this necklace shown here last fall and have been hooked ever since. These are great nursing necklaces, theyre fun to wear, and I can wear them with confidence because my baby wont break it!

THIS WEEK, if youre interested, Mommy Necklaces will be featured at Baby Half Off, and will have necklaces for, well half off of course! I don't know how Im going to restrain myself. Its time to start focusing on the kids and the family we need to buy for, but theyre going to be such a deal, I don't know how I can resist!!

Here is a sneak peek of one of the B.H.O exclusives!!
Sorry hubby, go buy something you want if you need to, but this has to be mine.

And just another one of their ad pictures for the nursing necklace

A nursing mom *must-have*

I own this one, it was my very first, so its not on my list, but Im putting it here to show all of you!

Retail.... therapy?

So I havent yet decided if this is a positive or a negative....

Well I am aware that it is both, but I have yet to choose where I am going to mentally categorize it.

8 years ago. I got married. Gained 20lbs out of nowhere. Seriously. Like "I" was 10lbs and "Do" was another 10. Like BAM!

None of my clothes fit. Ever. I bought supplemental things...and tried desperately to make some of the other things work, not that they really did, not that they looked good or were even comfortable. I was making do. Money was tight, I was determined to lose weight, everytime I tried on clothes, the clothes I grabbed didnt fit, the ones that did fit were giant sized. (Oh how I laugh now) So it hurt my self esteem. I hated clothes shopping. I had none. I hated my body. I didnt want to buy clothes that big, it was a waste of money because it wasn't "me."

Wishful thinking? I dont know if I'd even call it that.

So that was 8 years, then 6 years ago I was pregnant with our first daughter (shes 5 now) Maternity clothes too seemed like a waste. Why spend so much money on crap you'd wear for just a second. So I bought things I needed for work, like a few things.. just so I could go to work and look decent. Nothing really that felt good, that looked good. I was a blah prego. Gained 50lbs, like nothing. My face. My legs. My arms. The whole bit. So the once giant sized clothes became too small.

After she was born, I lost 30 of it, gained 10 of it back after we were done nursing. So, there was that... but still my long story is that Ive always hated my body since then.

Ive never invested in clothes because it brought me down. I only get 2 seconds in a changing room with pesky kids, I dont have time to try on for hours. And its not like I want to get a babysitter so I can go to the store.... I don't even get to go on dates, so I would rather save sitters for those occasions, right? Every dressing room experience was a horrible one. Every.

Now another child, another pregnancy, again, just buying stuff as needed, little bits at a time. When I buy 2 new things I love, I wear them, wash them, wear them... over and over, until in 2 months they're worn out and look like hell, and I hate them....

2 weeks ago my aunt and teenage cousin were here visiting from Minnesota.

My cousin and I scrambled in Old Navy for some clothes for the kids and hubby to wear for pictures. Got some cute things. Went back the next day, spent boat loads of money, applied for the Old Navy credit card, (I want the rewards and the coupons!)The kicker to all of this was my cousin McKenzie grabbed clothes for me and brought them to the fitting room. I picked some of the things, but she told me what with what. Which was helpful. The last time I was in style we were still on the whole 70's super flare business. Not leggings and tunics.

So then, they leave.... Old Navy steepens their clearance. 50% off already reduced prices brought clothes down super cheap. Alot of my things were between $5 and $10 dollars, some of the kids things were like $1-$3

It was awesome. And by that time I had already spent so much there that I developed this horrible mentality, like "what the hells a little more..." Like $50 more? Like $100 more?

Yeah.

It grew.

I have about a dozen Old Navy receipts.

My family could be the center of an Old Navy ad. Except Im sure they couldn't use us, as we're not *plastic* Hahahaha (they use all mannequins of course)

So today... I went back again, I still needed to finish up a few things, I wanted a wool peacoat, theyre half off right now.

I love this coat! And its mine!

Taylor and I both needed brown leggings.

Im going to get that credit card bill and fricken hit the floor. I know I am.

Its going to be awful.... and at that point I will probably regret it.

But right now I feel good.

I have clothes. Everyday. And something different. Im not waiting on laundry. People are throwing compliments at me all day long. I feel incredible. It makes me a happy person. Not the shopping or the spending money, but the clothes....

This is the first time in my adult life that I've really just embraced my body for what it is, and accepting what it is not. Im a mom. Im happily married. My husband loves me. I'm mostly healthy. I have stretch marks. Im far from perfect, but its me... and thats it.

I feel good. Im so glad I spLuRgeD. (Splurge is an understatement)

It was on my brand new credit card. Its probably not going to get paid off completely when the statement comes. I despise credit card debt.

But I FEEL good. Finally.

I have a wardrobe. Im not holding out, waiting to shop for those clothes in that right size. Like its a crime to buy clothes *my* size. Im accepting who I am. I am shopping for me, the size I am today.

The size I will be tomorrow.

And guess what?

I LOVE IT!

Hi-jacked internet, and my best ideas.

Okay so we're new to AT&T U-Verse. I love the internet, the speed, the fact that our modem is wireless itself, no need for the wireless router. Its zippy and most of all, it freed me from my (almost) decade of imprisonment with Charter Communications.

Anyhow, the At&t guys have been on my road for weeks, I figured the neighborhood was catching on, we are free! We are no longer chained to Charter! I was excited, but then our internet went out. Days ago....
And now At&t better come fix it! They came today, hours after they said they would... only to tell me the problem is a big one. Bigger than they thought. And its beyond the poles on our road, the crossboxes arent even getting a signal, so there is no At&t internet even going down my road. Sooo... Im totally using someones wireless.

Its nice to live in a populated area I suppose.

And I should be in bed.

Im in bed right now and hubby and baby C are totally zonked...

But. Not me.

You see, the trouble is~ I get my very best ideas at night.

Always.

I dont know how, or why... but its like night sets in, the sun goes down and my mind starts working overtime. And then Im wired... or determined... or excited... or trying to figure out how Im going to make it work. These are the nights I stay awake forever.

Other nights, Im fortunate, because these big ideas only find me in my sleep. (fortunate because then I get rest) I dream solutions to everything. When things are lost and we've been looking for them for days.... one night I finally will dream where it is. Its like when Im sleeping, or late at night is when Im able to tap into my subconscious. Its great. Im really productive that way... but why always at night?

Tonights big idea is JAR LABELS!!

Im going to work out some jar labels for my Grandmother's canned goods. Only problem is that I know shes not going to want sticker gunk all over her jars. So I will make her some stickers that she can give away. I know she sells them sometimes....  but then maybe some round labels that can just go on the tops of the others to keep her jars nice???

Hmm....

And how Im going to do this, how Im going to print it, what my design will look like, the wording I will use... its all busying up my mind.

Stay tuned... the outcome of this one is going to be great!

LaZy Day

So today consisted of football blaring from the television, and hours of full body contact with the couch. One child laid with me, the other played with playdoh at the kitchen table, it was pure bliss. I even got to lay my head on hubby's lap and fall asleep for an afternoon nap. I can't tell you the last time I got to lay in his lap and snuggle. :) It was a very cozy place to be.

Our area held trick-or-treating last night so it wasn't a school night. We hauled out our Joovy Caboose, our "Chicken" and our ruby red slippered "Dorothy" and off we went! On our way to haunt your house! A friend came with, bringing along his Buzz and Woody, so we had 4 little ones fighting their way through crowds, across streets, up sidewalks, through big kids, right straight to the candy bowl. Our little Chicken was awesome. She walked across yards, up to doors, grabbed her candy, put it in her bucket & was on to the next.

(wait for the Chicken!)

The first house of the night was kind of in a dead zone. We stopped, she walked to the door and they gave her a roll of smarties. She of course needed to eat it right that second. So I set her back in the caboose and sprinkled the smarties on the tray so she could eat them on the way.

A few houses later she had a fit over the tootsie pop they gave her, but after that it wasnt a big deal anymore. It took 4 houses and she realized each place was going to give her candy. More, and more, and more candy! She had it down and we were off and running.

This year was kind of nice, because Dorothy and Buzz Lightyear kind of went a head, they crossed streets by themselves and that way our slow Chicken and Woody only had to do every other house. It worked well because the big kids could crank our 2 or 3 houses in the time it took the little ones to do one. Between the adults, I was kind of with the stroller watching the big 2 while the Dads took the little ones up to the doors. This independence thing is really kind of nice!

I would love to post some pictures, but the fileserver is inaccessible right now. Im on the laptop and of course I cant get it to work, and my husband... well this is his area of expertise, and he just kind of looked at it, said that was weird and then walked off. So there ya go. Im a victim of technology today. Its his stuff. Hes the master of all electronicals. The master of all cords, all outlets and all powerstrips. The stuff only ever obeys him...

Im screwed.


*15 minutes later...*

HA! Im not! Here are some photos!

(how about those pink socks? It was cold, we layered up.)

And then? Pumpkin guts anyone?

A moment of silence...

So Im done.

I shut down the other blog. Shut down. Down. Down.

No one can get to it. Not even me.

Im almost teary about it....

What the heck for? Right?

And with this blog... is there anyway to delete a post? Or "unpublish" it so that I can still have it even though it isnt public? And how about archiving it??

This one will be made known to people in no time.

Ive looked through my traffic and linking urls and it looks like someone did a search for my family's names. "T, C, A, L" all spelled out.

Well whoever you are, welcome. Thank you for seeking me out via search engine instead of just asking me.

Mind shooting me an email? If it was "you" I guess you could tell me so & I woulnt have to be creeped out.....

Prancing about~

Taylor is in school.

I just trekked through the whole grocery store like a mad mom on a mission with my baby on my back. She was as happy as could be. I got everything I needed, zigging and zagging, from the front to the back, making random circles throughout the store.

Im new to the back carry. Ive used ring slings and the moby, but have only ever done it with baby in front.

Its tricker to get her back there, but she works with me really well. She knows the routine.

So we danced and we pranced, from the dairy aisle, through the bread aisle, around the canned goods, back to the dairy, over to meat, and down to produce,  moving along with a bounce in my step and a smile on my face.

I LOVE ERGO!

Enchantment of Everyday Life.

She opens her eyes each morning, with a scowl on her face.
She winces away as I flick the switch and the light pops on.
Moaning and groaning, she turns to face the wall, burying her face against her fluffy hot pink comforter.
After making the presence of morning known, I creep out without ever saying a word.


Mornings are not her forte'. She gets that from me.

She is eager to play, she loves to dance.
She opens her closet and chooses what shes going to put on.
Frilly skirt. Check. Leggings check. Legwarmers? Sure. A tutu? It can work.
All of it.
Decked out. In the fanciest things. From her ruby red slippers to the crown atop her head.
She prances around, a bounce in her step and an awful high pitched song comes flowing from her mouth.
On the average day she is much like Phoebe from the show Friends.
Singing songs that make your ears ring, with lyrics much like those of "Smelly Cat"
I can hear it in my head everytime she makes up a song "Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, its not your fault!"


She jams on her guitar like its no ones business. (Lucky for me, those cheap strings never hold a tune)
Shes never bothered. She owns it. Shes proud. It makes my heart swell.


She can squeal a recorder better than anyone I've ever met. (she might get that from me too)
And pounding keys on the keyboard? Its as if she were hastily slapping finger paint around on a blank sheet of paper.


Everyday.
Decked out from crown to ruby reds, her wand is in hand.


Always at the ready.


Ready to cast magic, the same magic she casts everyday.
The magic she has casted on this house, on our family, on my heart.

This is the enchantment of everyday life.

My bank and my phone. & 2 shall become 1.

I had some fun fall photos to share.... theyre still on the camera. They would have been perfect for a "Wordless Wednesday" but no such luck. I guess Im just one for many words. (truth)

My husband has a website, he kind of does a wordpress blog on his own site. Its kinda cool. He writes about technology. See, hes is a technology obsessed freak. Gadgety to the max. So is his sister. And even his Grandpa a little bit. Just little gadgets that do useless tricks amuse him to no end.

Technology is huge. I really am not one for change. I like things Im familiar with, I think to an extent all people are somewhat this way. I am probably moreso than some.

I wrote checks and and put snail mail stamps on them until just a few months ago.

Over this past year my life has changed drastically. The way I have done things, the way Ive gone about business has just been huge. And its all because I made technological advances. Upgrades.

Im impressed. With the technology, but also with myself!

Personal advances in 2010:

Banking
We switched to a bank that is online only. No physical locations. Everything is done online and over the phone. I always banked at the friendly little corner bank prior. I would walk there, ride my bike there, walk in &conduct transactions at the counter. It was hard to make his jump, but Im so glad I did. It has simplified my life to no end. I've received the best customer service ever.

My phone
Samsung Epic, L.O.V.E.

I love the cell phone concept, Im not that ancient. We havent had a land line in 7 years, its been just our cells. Ive always wanted to have a phone where my numbers were first and foremost. Its a phone. Calling people should be its primary function, therefore my numbers keypad needed to be front and center. My husband got the Epic. He needed something for work that would give him more web freedom as well as manage his email easier. He upgraded. I fell in love with his phone, I followed.

Combine the 2. Phone and Banking
O.M.G. This is like revolutionary breakthrough.
We use one primary checking account, we run the debit card like its going out style. Very rarely do we carry cash. I do debits, he does debits, it all hits the same account. The book usually stayed in my purse as thats where it fit. Hed come home and either enter the receipts himself, or have to report them to me, OR better yet Id have to get them off the bank website days later because he'd forget to even let me know he'd done a debit. Sometimes he'd remember he did one, but then Id get this, "Oh hey, I stopped at autozone on the way home but I don't remember how much it was..." Niice. Thanks honey.

It was just too many steps. Too inconvenient.

Now, we get to experience pure "appiness" because we have an app called "Clear Checkbook" Its amazing. We have one username/pass, were both always logged in on our phones and its safe because its not linked to any real account, just our ledger. So I pull it up, enter my amount, he enters his, and we can both see whats going on at all times. It just keeps the balance for us.

In addition to this, my online bank has an app for our phone which works nice too, its protected with a pin, so someone who picks up my phone can't get in. It works so smooth. I paid my bills this morning from my phone.

And on top of this. I can use my phone to deposit checks. I take a picture of the front and back of the check, enter the amount and submit it and viola! My money is there. Like now. Then I just write void on the actual copy of the check and get rid of it.

Its so easy!

I wonder what it'll be next.....

Where do I find the time?

So the kids are in bed. Hubby is watching a movie that just doesnt speak to me. And Im back.

Im hoping to participate in "Wordless Wednesday" tomorrow, so I guess its good to get it all out today! hahah

Blog-a-holic? Im not. I swear Im not. lol Im just really into this blog. Its new and fresh. It feels like Ive stepped into a rejuvenation machine. Free.

Im still at a loss of how to handle my old blog. It on the xanga platform. Im going to have to shut. it. down. But then I can never sign in again, it will be gone. The username will never be available again. Im okay with that I think.... but theres so much history its almost painful. Why?

I need this change. I need it for me. And it shouldnt be such a big deal right? Its a blog. Just a blog. Except... its me. Its more who I was than who I am.... if that makes any sense.

If I could make all of the posts disappear from the public and keep the page up I would... but thats more work than Im willing to deal with.

The plan is to shut down. Move forward.

And I only feel like I can do that when Im really settled in here....

Anyway. I love Etsy. L.O.V.E.

And tonight I stumbled across this!! This woman is phenomenal and I am in love!!! Totally putting this on my Christmas list!! :)
http://www.etsy.com/shop/kmberggren?section_id=7400859

The information is out there.

I began my cloth diapering adventure over 5 years ago with my first daughter. I was a new mom. Horribly new. New to everything. I knew the whole while I was pregnant I wanted to cloth diaper. It just "made sense" to me. Because really, when you think about it all... it should make sense to every one. Anyhow, our circumstances were a bit unusual.  She was born weeks before my husbands active duty in the military was up. We were moving back home to a civilian life with a newborn. I knew cloth diapers wouldnt be good while we were bouncing around from place to place. We were homeless on her 3rd week of life. Checked out of base housing. We rented a little cabana on Onslow Beach, MCB Camp LeJeune for the final week, and from there we "U-hauled it home" When we got "home" we lived in my MILs apartment, it was just a lot and cloth diapers would have been a major inconvenience.

I never thought to research it, because really, what was there to know? Cloth diaper. Cotton butt. Its all the same right? (Im glad I didnt research it prior because I would have been soo overwhelmed) I had it in my head when we were in our own place, I was going to hire a diaper service. To pick up, wash, and deliver. Easy as cake.

When baby Taylor was finally 3 months old, we were in our own apartment. Cramped in like sardines, but we were happy.... and in love. ;) I got online, friendly google search and sought out that diaper service I had penciled into my mind. I found one that serviced our area, but when I looked at the cost I was floored. It was the same as disposables would have been. And yes I wanted the benefits of the cloth, so I would have still had that but I wanted to save money too!

It was then I began searching. Online retailers was about it. There was no local place I could just go "pick them up" I went to Babys R Us 30 miles away. Bought some gerber prefolds, (burp cloths literally) and some cheap rubber pants. Even pins. I bought pins. In 2005. Because I knew nothing.

Finally I had to break down and order stuff. I found a great little business, which was ran from someones home at the time. Baby Cotton Bottoms. I ordered a sampler pack. Some prefolds, a snappi, a few AIOs, 2 pocket diapers, just the whole variety. Finding websites and blogs opened so many doors. I had a really generic sling. I was suddenly in a new world, a world of wonderful cloth diapers, baby carriers. I discovered that my parenting technique had a name. People in the world actually took care of their babies the way I had been taking care of mine. I wasn't alone. I wasnt the crazy weird lady like everyone thought I was. I was validated. I was enlightened.

Attachment Parenting. I fit somewhere. It felt really good. Because for 3 months I had just been doing what I "felt" I should do. We nursed. I akwardly tried to use a carrier, a snugli I bought for 20 bucks and a nojo sling that I could never figure out because I used the "shoulder pad" as a pillow for the baby's head. No wonder. It all makes sense now.

The information was out there.

And even then I stumbled acrossed different natural menstrual products. Never not ever.

I was grossed out at the thought of them. I mean, diapers was one thing, blood was another. And the things that come out of my baby's body are far less disgusting than my own.

Diva cup. Moon cup. Luna pads. You've got to be kidding. Who and where are these people?

And now the joke is on me.

Because again, if I just look.... the information is out there.

A box of bleached tampons is so common and mainstream, we throw them into our shopping carts and call it good. Without question. Any modern natural alternative is "gross."

Its okay to use chemically treated, toxic cotton IN our bodies? To absorb. We all know of TSS, Toxic Shock Syndrome. Its like on every box of tampons made. For good reason. I read the risks but always thought "eeh" Its like "who does that REALLY happen to?" It happens. And aside from that, the bleaching chemicals that are used release dioxins that are released straight into the body. Cervical cancer anyone? Studies have been done apparently, with no direct result... but why take the chance? Were all so quick to get an overrated gardasil vaccine (never will I), but do we still use tampons? You bet. And why?? Get educated people! Not to mention the environmental impact.The vaginal walls are all tissue, everything absorbed goes straight into the bloodstream. It is such a critical and sensitive area. Seems most women care more about their nails, the curve of their eyebrows, and their hair than their vaginal health.

I for one.

But no more.

Love your Vagina! (seriously, see for yourself! This is a UK site, but I love their boldness in the domain name)

Ive been reading review after review for a long time, considering this. Thinking about it. Trying to reason with my own mind. Trying to shake that cultural "eeew" that is stuck in my head. Trying to break away....

Because the information is out there.


And Im going to keep finding it.

I dont try to "go against" things... but I find that I often do. I just have to do what agrees with me. With my own reason..... and so many things just never felt right...

Blog again.

So Im back again, its been a week of not really being online. I had family here visiting from Minnesota. It was a very pleasant visit. We kept quite busy... shopping. I spent way too much money but my family has clothes, so I don't regret it yet.

Im still clicking around, trying to get "settled" in to this blog. Established.

Tonight we had Kindermusik, I brought both of the girls with me. It was nice. Andrew had some quiet time at home to himself. That rarely happens, so hopefully he enjoyed it. A storm is headed this way. Suppose to be quite ugly, with 60mph winds tonight and tomorrow. Im looking forward to it actually, I just don't want it to be too dangerous. I have old trees around here. I dont want limbs blowing every which way, and I'd like to keep my electricity too!!

Anyhow,
The girls are doing great. Like always Im amazed how big they are, theyre starting to actually play well together. Carolina is still in to all of Taylor's things, but is more interactive.

I feel like a hormonal loony tonight. I probably am.

I guess I should just face reality and say, "yes. I am"

Im in a bit of a "dont bother me" funk. Everything is annoying. People are annoying.  My phone rings way to much, people text me for stupid reasons.

I missed last weeks LLL meeting. I wanted to go really bad. It would be my first ever.
I read tonight on facebook that the LLL leader in our area is going to be speaking, or facilitating a meeting at our local cloth diaper store.

The cloth diaper store is new. I bought my ergo there 2 weeks ago. It was my first time going in there. I kind of got rubbed the wrong way in the beginning. Over some photo stuff... so I remained on the outside, and it seems every little portal I want to plug into is getting all tied up with the store, with the owner of the store... and today that bothers me.

I don't know why. I just want to be a part of it. I want to belong to something. To have that "network" of moms that I just don't have. I want to go to League. I want to get involved. I would love to someday be a leader or a lactation consultant or something. I think I might look into that. I always knew I would nurse, but I never knew how deeply impacted I would be by it, or how crazily "obsessed" I would be.

I want to be friends with all of these women, I want to go to these things... and I will.

It was my intent to go to the League meeting, I just had family here and it didn't work out. I need to get over my issues.

When the owner of the diaper store opened her business, she emailed me about using a picture I posted on her "fan page" she wanted it on her website.... just wanted me to give it to her. It was of my children. Like here you go. Heres my photography, heres my kids.....  (once again it hurt my whole photography spirit) Like made me feel like.... just nothing. Like the phony with the $1200 camera as mentioned on the previous post.

Then after that I kind of replied that I was flattered.... but that I was uncomfortable. I offered to take some pictures FOR her business, design her some ads, whatever... for hire of course. That was a no go. But in the middle of our emails she posted an event for her business, and used my picture as the picture for the event. But I guess since I decided to SHARE it with her by putting it on her fan page, I gave her permission to use. After that.... I just kind of felt uneasy....

And I don't jump on all of her sales, her activities, her classes, her community events.... and everyone else does.....

This old house.

I love our house. I really do. I never intended to move. I still don't think I really want to. I love it here.

We have one bathroom. Im sure your closet is probably twice our bathroom's size. It is tiny. And its falling apart. The toilet is sinking into the floor, the wax seal is of course leaking. Slowly into the basement and now its pooling up on the bathroom floor. We have an old tub that the finish is wore off of, it never "looks" clean. It never "feels" clean. We scrub scrub but it never gets that look. Its frustrating. The caulk around the edges of the tub needs to be done. Its been leaking into the basement for quite some time.

Tonight Im completely frazzled by all of this... and I took it out on my husband.

Not that he created these problems. But that he didnt do anything to help relieve these problems.

He bought caulk and has been saying "the tub needs to be caulked" for months. He bought a little cutter to peel the old stuff off and... but do you think he'd do it? Nope. But he keeps pointing out, it needs to get done. It stresses ME out. Dont tell me! Just do it already!!! Seriously. I have a lot of worry about, and so does he, but I do my things, I pack cold lunches, I sign school papers, I help Taylor with the zillions of worksheets she brings home, I keep the playroom clean, I do the laundry, theres soo much that his mind never has to even stop to think about, because I just do it. Caulking the tub should be that way as well.

Hes complained about how slow the drain is. He said he saw lots of my hair in the drain. Well if he saw it then, fricken take it out and go on. Nope. Didnt do that either.

And the toilet. It needs to get dealt with. I dont want to make the steps to do it. Im not calling anyone. Im not researching how to replace it. I shouldnt have to!!!!

But hes going to keep whining about the problems, "oh look. It just dripped." And "Oh that toilet really is getting bad, now its pooling up on the floor behind it."

I DO NOT CARE!!! Dont bother my mind. Dont stress me. Dont add this to my list of things to do, or my list of things to worry about. Just do what needs to be done to take care of it. If he cant do it himself. Fine. Make some calls. Get some prices and figure out how to pay for it. Do what needs to be done. Don't make me do it!!!

My mom came home from Disneyworld toay. Im excited for her and my 11 year old brother, but an inkling jealous because I want to go so bad. I tried to go in the spring, we decided to be responsible and pave our driveway instead. Then a few months later I was so bummed we didnt go to Disney, that we went out and bought a boat. So much for being responsible right? I had to have something that was as equally exciting. Now I have the boat, but of course its out of season, and the Disney-goers just came home today, and Im like "I WANT TO GO!" I want to bring my girls there more than anything...

More than anything until I got so pissed off at the bathroom tonight.

Last year it was the driveway. Now the bathroom, and lack thereof. (we really need to add a second one) So Im grumbly and my gears are turning.

Cry me a river. Right? Im just a hormonal stressed loony tonight. I almost cant stand myself. My thoughts are driving me crazy. Its that time.

Anyhow, pictures!

My mom brought Taylor back a Snow White play set that came with all 7 dorks. Hehehe! It was lots of fun tonight!

The Photog bit.

Okay.

So heres the deal. I run a small photography business. Its one I'm in love with.

http://www.leighajane.com/

I havent started a blog for it yet, maybe I will soon.
I have a facebook fan page. Search Leigha Jane Photography if you'd like.

Im on my 3rd camera since I started 5 years ago. Im in love. Ive learned so much, grown so much and gotten better and better, with years of practice of course.

I love my website, I put alot of time and effort into it because I feel like my web presence is probably the most important tool. I havent printed business cards, I havent handed them out, I havent advertised in any way. When I meet people and they ask what I do, Im a stay at home mom. (because I am) I never want to boast or be like "look at me" ever. I love business when it comes to me. But thats it. When it comes to me.

Every year, summer it seems, I get calls from random people. Friends of friends, of cousins who've heard. Just word of mouth. Its the only thing that powers my business. And Im good with that. I dont charge a session fee. I probably should....

But theres underlying reasons to all of this. I love what I do, the photography bit started because of my kids, because really I'm about my kids, so photography falls after everything else. My business is not my priority, so I dont push it, for time reasons, and because Im too busy being a mom and wife than trying to set up displays and push myself.

A huge issue I have is that everyone and their brother is a "photographer"

The store front studio is a dying breed. No one does that. No one wants that. Everything is so "lifestyle" photography right now... and anyone can pick up a digital camera and do it. Find some cheap photoediting software and its a done deal. Picnik can make about anything look good! Everyone starts up little facebook fan pages for their little home businesses. Everyone has the same story. "to capture those little moments" to "create timeless images for you to always remember" Everyone was inspired by their children, their children drove them to their newfound passion for photography. Its the same. Seriously. Every "about me" thats all I ever see.

A few weeks ago a person on facebook posted a status update that they were sick of every person out there who owns a $1200 camera claiming to be a photographer, and calling themselves photographers was bad because it tainted the name for ReAL photographers. Another "photographer person" commented something like, "well said!" or "amen" I cant remember, it was just like praising the status.

I read it and agreed. Because its true to an extent. Some stuff you can just look at and its like "wow. Do people pay you?" and others is amazing. You cant quite put words on it, but you definitely know it when you see it.

Anyhow. After agreeing in my mind... I thought maybe this was me? Maybe they were referring to people like me? So I commented something like; "this hurts my feelings. Who are you referring to?" and guess what. No response. Ever. I was the last comment on that status and life went on. I clicked my own photography fan page and noticed that person was not my fan, and neither was anyone else from that "circle."

 I read the other persons comment, and though they too have a "business" Im not crazy about that persons work. I look at some of the stuff, and its not something I would do... but I try not to judge. Try not to say its "bad" because it belongs to that person. Its their view, their take, their stuff. We're not all the same. And I do things differently and thats okay.


I was hurt. I was mad. But it really made me think. Alot.

I told my husband.

It was so stupid. Like fans on my facebook page, is that really what important to me? Am I going to be that upset, angry and hurt over people not liking my page? How stupid is that? So stupid.

I know for CERTAIN when I finally had the COURAGE to start my fan page which was just this spring, I sent a "suggest page" request to the other photog. I was a fan of their page, thought it would be cool to invite them to my page, we could be friends, blah blah.

Even that person wasnt a fan. Which means the page suggestion was declined.

The whole group of people is fans of THAT page.

And why?

Why that one and not mine?

Now that Im so pissed off about it I can bodly say I think my stuff is ALOT better.

I got rid of the other photog as a friend and de-fanned the fan page. Because Im a child and thats just what my emotions led me to do.

But Im just the girl who says "Im a photographer," but really Im a phony with a "$1200" camera.

I dont want to be that girl. I dont want to be the one whose work get looked at that way.

Which is why I dont often say those words. "Im a photographer." I say, my name is Leigha. Im a stay at home mom, I run a small photography business on the side.

When it comes to my photography I do have a low self esteem. I love what I do, I do it for myself, and for the people who call on me asking me to do it for them, but I dont pUsH myself out there, because I dont want to be the chick with a $1200 camera whose out there faking it.

And my images are seriously ME. Like I POUR myself into them. I cant put them out there for ridicule because I am so deeply attached to them, that it hurts me. It hurts my spiritual being.

I do it more for myself than I do for the money. I do.

Taking pictures for someone and having them LOVE them is more a "feather in my hat" than it is money. My website says nothing about cds. I only sell prints, but you know... most every client Ive ever had gets a cd. They cant afford to buy all of them, and I cant stand a mother not having ALL of the pictures of the child. So after the place a sizeable order, I crack and give the cd. Its just who I am.

But I often feel like the girl who thinks shes great whose work really sucks. Or who really is just the same as everyone else.

Oh... and in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness~

And the ergo is mine!

Wrapping up another weekend.

It was very nice. Hubby and I got to go out last night without kiddos. It was much needed, completely overdue, and much appreciated. Seriously. It was literally the 3rd time this calendar year... and one of the times we got called home early because the little one was screaming. So yeah. I say this, not because Im cranky about it, not because Im proud of it, but just to emphasize how this was suuuuch a novelty.

He and I, we don't get to be "us" like that very often.

Friday afternoon my oldest daughter got new carpet in her room!! :) As you can imagine the house was tore up. All of the contents of her bedroom were all over the livingroom. It was chaos. I was determined to have it back to perfect before bed that night. So after the carpet was done, I went out and splurged...

I broke down and got the highly praised Ergo.

I chose the seagreen/silver one. And I am in LOVE! Its part of their organic collection, the material is so soft. I tried on a standard one, a performance one and then this one. Just touching it to my skin I was sold.

Ive been a huge babywearer. I have a couple different ring slings Ive used, I love the moby wrap, but this one is amazing. I still will use the moby from time to time I think. Its phenomenal. Its harder now that C is so big though. I get achy after using it for extended periods of time. It was never an issue before, but her growth and added weight has made it more difficult for us.

Since summer I have not been wearing her nearly as much. First there was the moby inconveniences mentioned about, but also she learned to walk, so it was more exploration time than pouch time.  Anyhow I wanted it NOW so that I could keep charging forward in getting the newly carpeted room back in order. It was a lot easier being able to "hold" her the entire time I was getting stuff done.

Over the past couple weeks I have been talking to my chiropractor about the baby-wearing options. (Im in there 2 times a week) This was what he concluded, and I see why! For me and for her.

This has been probably the highlight of the weekend, besides my Saturday night out on the town!