Recently I have been faced with a situation. A situation with my children's pediatrician, its something I didnt know was going to be so difficult. Ive seen over a dozen doctors in my life. Many of which I've only ever seen one time. It wasnt until recently after the birth of my second daughter that I can say I've built that "patient doctor" relationship. So its never been a big deal, its something Ive never given any thought. We have a doctor, we go and thats about it.
It worked that way until my doctor really started to step on my toes.
For purposes of today's blog, I will call her "Dr. Need to Retire,: (abrv: Dr. NtR).
In 1999 my littlest brother was born prematurely. He faced a lot of risks and complications during his first week of life. Alot of his complications I think were originally overlooked or made light of because he was an 8lb 10oz preemie. About a month early. His size made him look hearty and healthy, not to mention awfully pudgy and cute. His newborn face was precious. And though I've had my own children, I do have to say the feelings that just consume you at the sight of such a face were quite the same, between him and my 2 daughters. I was older when he was born, so plenty old enough. I witnessed the birth, I was crazily in love and obsessed with him. His tiny little toes, his wrinkled little skin. He was heaven.
Anyhow, his pediatrican, Dr. NtR was a very nice lady. She cared for him in such a loving and delicate way. She stayed in the nursery gazing at him for long periods of time, she tested things, treated things, monitored him so closely. The pediatrician wasn't present immediately at the birth, and no one was aware there was a problem until a few hours later when the situation had already become an emergency. Dr. NtR was excellent. She was quick. Fast acting, on top of it, put our minds at ease. He had a purple pigment to his skin, we were told the color was due to bruising after being "stuck" in the birth canal for so long. His delivery was long and hard. So it was easy to believe. Hours after passing him around, kissing him, staring at him, it was discovered his discoloration was due to lack of oxygen because he had underdeveloped lungs. Looking back now, considering he was early it seems that would have been checked right away. Again, an 8lb 10 oz baby with a strong voice, it was completely overlooked.
Anyhow. I was amazed at the pediatrician after he was under her car. I loved her.
In 2005, 6 years after I begged to get my oldest daughter in to her. She wasnt accepting new patients at the time. I had to beg. And wait to be called back. I had to tell them WHY I wanted HER and no one else. It was a hub bub, but it worked and I was so happy. She was able to decipher a heart murmer in my oldest child right away. Not a big deal, and she outgrew it, but it was there and no other doctor had ever mentioned it to me before. My admiration for her was validated at that point.
The years went on, she moved her office into a collaborative office with other doctors. It worked well. It wasnt as cozy as her independent office was, but we continued. At 1 year old my daughter was due for her vaccines. One of which was quite new at the time. (another blog for another day, but Im on the fence about those vax's BIG time) There were 2 I didnt want her to have. I said no. They went on telling me why it was recommended, and all about the CDC. I understood they were doing their job, I still said no. I went to my county health department, watched a horribly biased movie basically telling me my child would die if I didnt choose these vaccines. I still said no. I signed the waiver saying no to get the state off our butts. I had to bring the papers into the threeschool as well as the preschool programs I had her in. At her 18 month appt, her 2 year, her 3 year and lots of times in between I said "no" signed a "parent refused" line each time.
Early summer of 2009.
Pregnant with #2 and my water breaks. Had a 4 year well child scheduled that day for the older one. I couldnt be there. I was home, laying on the airbed gushing amniotic fluid. Hanging out. Waiting for baby. My husband didn't go to work because of the fluid rupture, so since nothing was happening and labor wasnt progressing he went to the appointment with the 4 year old. I warned them both, there would be 3 shots. Boosters to ones she'd already had. We talked about it, everyone was prepared.
They came home, my child was a wreck, in tears, so upset about it all that she could hardly talk. And as I was consoling her my husband mentions there were FIVE vaccines administered that day. Which is really like 12 probably because so many of them are like 3 in one. So the MMR is one needle, but thats THREE things! Anyhow. I was sooo MAD. 5? I said 3! He hands me the paper and sure enough, there were the 2 that I had been refusing for 3 years.
Thanks a lot Dr. NtR. Thank you for pumping venemous poison into the veins of my innocent 4 year old. I seriously could have marched in there like a raging mama bear... and I would have... but remember number 2 was slowly making her way. So I couldn't. I did nothing but comforted and dried the tears of the other. And in my mind it was just brewing. The whole time.
Later that evening child 2 is born. Same Dr. NtR comes and tends to her. I didnt say anything about the other girl at the time. I made sure that the oh so required and overrated hep B shot would not be given though. I wasnt having my newborn immunized. No way no how. My wishes were honored and on went life.
A few appoinments later when my baby was around 4 months I finally had the courage to speak. I explained how deeply upset I was. I cried. Dr. NtR apologized, but seriously, what the hell good is an apology. Its not like they can suck it back out. Its not like they can "adjust my bill" and fix it. Theres nothing. This is my child.
I felt slightly better after I spoke to her. Not because it was all good and I trusted her again, but because it I finally got to tell her how I felt. It never got perfect again. She took advantage of my husband. She knew I didnt want them. She never told him what was what. (he didnt ask) but she presented it to him in a way that was like "Well, shes due for 5 shots today" and hes like "5, wow. Okay" and on it went. A good Dr. would have said. "Shes due for 5, but I see you've been continuously declining these 2, would you like to go ahead with them today?" In which case he should have said "No" and he would have. But hes a guy. He doesnt do dr. visits. I do.
I was so mad. I am so mad.
So it goes on. I brought the baby in there monthly for ear infections it seemed. She never communicated openly to me. She'd look at the ears and say "hmmm" and then look at the other, then go sit at the computer, and Id be like "What?" or "Do her ears look bad?" And she'd say "Yeah, theyre both infected" or something, but just would never talk to me as she was doing things. Our relationship was broken.
I refused the rotovirus vaccine for the baby. Its oral, suppose to be better than a poke. But guess what guys, its not. Worse in fact. And no one is poisoning my kid's body with it. No one. Of course Dr. NtR was very displeased at this. She spoke down to me, like I was making a completely ignorant and uneducated decision. Like I wanted for my brand new baby to get the rotovirus. That must be my wish because I chose not to use a vaccine to protect her from it. What kind of mother am I? Wanting that for my baby? Wow. How about, "Shut up Dr. NtR I choose BREASTMILK to protect my child. Natual immunity!"
In July we went camping. I cloth diaper. While we were camping the little one developed a blistery rash in her diaper region. I blamed the disposable diapers at first. I treated it with creams, lotions, potions and powders. For about 3 or 4 weeks. It didnt get better. The end of July I bring her in. Dr. NtR does a culture. Cant prescribe anything til the culture comes back. Culture comes back. Negative. So I went and bought an antiseptic gel to use, thought maybe I just needed to keep it cleaner. I called the office and left them a message. I spelled it out. Listed the percentages of the active ingredients and everything. I wanted the Dr. to know. It started to get better, I was relieved.
By mid August it had not improved or gone away. Not worsened either, but was still there. I called again. Dr. NtR calls in a prescription of an anti-fungal. Like if it were a yeast infection or something and then tells me a new cream to try. I buy it, and use it, it does nothing. During this conversation she never says anything about my antiseptic gel I told the office I was using.
September and its STILL an issue and now baby has fever. Fever and blistery bottom. I cant take it. I bring her in along with a pocket full of tubes of this and of that. I lay them out for Dr. NtR. She looks over them. Looks at the one and her eyebrows raise, she hands it to her intern who says "wow" and hands it back. She then looks at it again, with disgust, and at me and says "I cant believe you were able to buy this over the counter." My respsonse was something like, "Well, I did. I'm sorry?" She goes on, I shouldnt be using this, not on a person of that age, a baby, definitely not on the genitals and she says "I wouldnt even use this on myself" At first I was just like "okay, I wont use it anymore" There was silence from her, and me trying to soothe the baby. Shes pounding away on her computer, entering what a rotten mother I am now for using this awful cream that I should have a prescription to buy. I thought about it, was busy with my SCREAMING little girl and then I mentioned that I didnt know. It wasnt my fault, I was sorry, but pointed out I had called her office, I had told them, spelled it to them and NO ONE ever told me there was a problem. Im not a dr. I dont think she responded to me.
Turns out babe has an ear infection, thus the fever. The blisters on the bottom have to be staph, we need another culture. So she squeezes the life out of my little girls bottom as shes shrieking in pain and is totally terrified of the Dr. NtR as well as the strange unfamiliar face of the intern. Im so worked up, and emotionally frazzled. Dr. says were getting an antibiotic. One I know to be extremely strong. Used to treat things like MRSA. Anyhow.why does my 16 month old child need this? For her blistery bottom that has a staph infection (keep in mind she had just done the culture) I ask, is this antibiotic going to be helpful to her ears. The answer: No probably not. It might inadvertently benefit her ears, but this antibiotic targets and works in a different way. Its aimed at the skin. My expression totally led on to how frustrated I was. Dr. NtR reassures me, those blisters HAVE GOT to be taken care of. They do NOT look good. And they take priority over the ear infection. She points out what the baby really would need is TWO antibiotics, one for the skin, one for the ears, but we cant do that. So right now we have to deal with whats most important. And thats blisters. That have been there. Since July. Not an ear infection. (although the blisters were never a priority before this point and the ear infection is whats causing the child pain)
Dr. grabs her stuff, chart, basket AND my little tube of antiseptic gel. (the one shes amazed I bought over the counter)
She seriously took it.
I bought it! Legally! The FDA has it on the shelf so I can if I choose. I told her I wasnt going to use it on the baby anymore. But Im "rotten mom" the one who wishes rotovirus upon her child, surely she couldnt trust me.
So Im frazzled. I leave. I get the antibiotic. Get her on it right away. I read about it. I cant effing believe she needs to be on something so strong. Those blisters on her bottom must be bacteria to the worst degree because thats the only way.
2 days later, culture is negative.
5 days later, culture is negative.
No bacteria folks.
Immediately I ask about the antibiotics. Should she stop taking them and get us something for the ears. Nope. Shes already been on it for a week, just keep it up, it will help the ears.
?? I was told it wouldnt?!?!?
This was my last appointment. We went to the dermatologist, the problem is NOT bacterial. It never was. Her ears are now better.
I called the office, told them I wanted to see the other ped. because my baby couldnt stand Dr. NtR. Its true, but of course was only part of the truth. The office manager gave me a crash course on child development. Its normal for 16 month tots to SCREAM their heads off at the office. When little people are stressed they respond in the only way they know how. Yes I get that. But its not normal for MY 16 month old. She wasnt taking my excuse, so I explained I just wasnt comfortable with that Dr NtR anymore, I wanted the other one.
She called me back later and told me the other doctor was uncomfortable seeing me and that I needed to switch offices if I didnt want to keep Dr. NtR. My conversation with her was awful. I wanted to be sure she only expressed it was because my child was scared. If she would have I would have been able to see the other Dr. without a problem. We had seen her before when ours hasnt had openings. After she told me the Dr said no I was crying and said "If you would have told her it was becasue the baby was scared, how would/could she have said no!?" I got cut off, snapped at, and heard back. "How do YOU know what I said to Dr. L?" It was the harshest tone. It was awful. She then went on to tell me its not my call. Dr. L can be uncomfortable if she wants to be, thats 'her call to make'
I felt so defeated...
And now Im on the hunt for a new Dr. This has seriously left me so overwhelmed and lifeless.
Forgive typos and incomplete thoughts. This was my rant.
